Hello there.
When I wrote the words, "Become a responsible adult", I had in mind all the fun things about growing up; buying a car, a house, growing strawberries, having children. Unfortunately, this morning I've had to face a decision that's rather less enjoyable. But I think that's what being an adult is supposed to be about - making those decisions that you'd rather not make.
A very brief background of the problem. I haven't spoken to a family member for over two years. I grew up with him abusing me and it left me pretty empty and with no self-worth. I finally got the courage to cut him out of my life, but it was never going to be that easy. He knows I love my family and would never want to hurt them, so he's been emotionally blackmailing them ever since, trying to force me to make contact with him by hurting them. For what reason, I do not know. Perhaps he just likes the power.
Up until now, I've let it happen. My reasoning was that if I continued to ignore him despite his sly tricks, he would get the message that I'm not going to let him control my life anymore. This morning proved that that isn't going to happen, at least not for some time. So the question is, do I let him keep upsetting the rest of my family? Or do I face him head on?
Let's look at those options. Option one is to keep quiet, like George Bush with the terrorists. Starting a dialogue with him at this stage could say to him that I've given in. I'm also acutely aware that although I don't fear him anymore, I haven't actually had to face him. Those feelings could come flooding back the moment I see him. In addition, I'm almost 100% sure that rational conversation would fail. So option one is looking good, apart from the problem of constantly attacking my Mum (verbally, that is). Is it really fair to let her take all the crap on my behalf? My family have been very supportive through this and I initially reasoned that it was worth them going through a bit of discomfort in order for me to be happy. But I never expected it to last longer than a month or two. Perhaps it's time I acted my age and stood up for myself.
Which brings us onto option two. Face him. Practically, I'm not sure how this would work. Writing a letter won't work because last time he ripped it up and told everyone a load of lies about what I had written. So the only option is to actually face him. Unfortunately, that idea leaves me feeling rather sick. I've never managed to have a rational conversation with him. It always ends with him shouting in my face, and I'm not prepared to experience that, especially if it makes no difference to the situation. I would love to just walk up to him, tell him exactly how I feel, and walk away, but past experience has taught me that that definitely isn't going to happen. And I suspect that even if we had a discussion, the emotional blackmail would continue, because there's no way I'm having him back in my life.
In summary, I'm screwed aren't I? Say nothing, and let my Mum fight my battles, or say something and probably end up in exactly the same situation but more upset.
I guess the third option would be to just write a letter and see what happens. It doesn't require a great deal of energy emotionally and so if he rips it up, I haven't lost anything.
Any advice?
Thursday, 22 April 2010
Friday, 9 April 2010
The country is my oyster
It has just dawned on me that as of tomorrow we can potentially go anywhere in mainland Britain without having to book anything. It's more exciting than I can describe. To those of you who have always had a family car, this probably doesn't sound all that exciting, but to someone who has always had to say, "I can't go, I don't have a car", it's like a whole new world of things that aren't on bus/train routes. When I was little, and my dad still lived with us, we went out for a day of walking, and we could park in a convenient place and leave all the heavy stuff for when we got back. Or we went to Bramhall Park or Macclesfield Park, or the very exotic Bruntwood Park. And it was such a care-free time. Since then though, every trip has to be meticulously planned for bus times and checking we have the right change. You can't take too much with you because you'll have to carry it and most of the time the place you're visiting is a good 20 minute walk from the bus stop. Now however, all of that has changed. Admittedly, petrol prices are at an all-time high, so we won't be nipping to Norfolk or Aberystwyth at the weekend, but even the words "Alderley Edge" excite me. :-)
So I thought I'd make a little list of places I would like to visit now I have transportation at my disposal (sort of).
1. Jodrell Bank Centre for Astrophysics - previously a bus/train to Manchester, another train to Goostrey and a 2.5 mile walk, I have heard Jodrell Bank mentioned so many times on TV, knowing it's only 20 miles away, and I can't wait to go.
2. Alderley Edge - some beautiful walks to be had here and lots of folklore to add to the adventure
3. Lyme Park - Although I have visited recently, (and as a child) I had 30 schoolchildren with me, and it was pouring with rain, so I'd like to exorcise those demons. :-)
4. Tatton Hall and Park - Another one I visited with school, only I was one of the kids, and would love to see it through an adult's eyes
5. Arley Hall - One of those places that always seems to be advertised but I had no idea what it was.
6. Macclesfield - So much to do and very pretty.
7. Blue Planet Aquarium at Ellesmere Port - More for my boyfriend as he loves aquariums.
8. Eyam - the plague village. My sister went with school and I was really jealous.
9. Chatsworth House - This one is for my Mum as she has been desperate to go for years.
10. Bakewell - I like puddings
11. High Tor, Matlock - I want to go on the Heights of Abraham cable car
12. Delamere forest - My grandfather worked for the Forestry commission there and I'd like to go. I'd also like to have a go on "Go Ape".
Thursday, 8 April 2010
Heracles, curses and MP3s
Hello there!
My first piece of ridiculously exciting news is that my boyfriend and I are now car owners.
The initial plan, to spend very little on a car that would tide us over for a year, soon went out of the window when we saw this cute little thing with only one previous owner. It's a Daihatsu Cuore and has a tiny 1 litre engine. The downside is that it struggles on hills, the upside is that it only costs £90 a year to tax.
I have always thought it bizarre that people name their cars, but spending £1600 (plus almost a grand on insurance) does funny things to you, and I'm having feelings of love and protection towards this collection of inanimate objects. With these feelings came a desire to give our little one a name. And Heracles seemed perfect. When Heracles (the god, not the car) was just a small baby, he strangled some snakes that had been used to kill him, and hopefully our small baby will show the same strength and fortitude.
Saturday is the day when we go to pick it up (I'm not crazy enough to call it a 'him' yet). We're both still feeling very anxious that we'll be in a massive collision on the way home (about 5 minutes away), but at least that would justify the ridiculously huge amount of money we spent on insuring it.
I had been hoping that you pay car insurance by direct debit, as I've always thought having direct debits (other than optional charity ones) was a sure sign that you are an adult, but it turns out it costs a lot more to pay monthly so the whole amount was gulped down by the insurance company in one.
Moving on to another of my goals, to become a runner, things had gone awry. I hurt my foot a few weeks ago and could barely walk for a week, and then my motivation seeped away and sitting eating vast amounts of saturated fat seemed like more fun than running. This morning, however, I was listening to the radio and heard them say that it was already well into April, and panic set in! In a previous blog I stated that despite doing a grand total of 1 mile in 3 years during the month of April, it didn't mean that the same would happen this year. Only it kind of was happening, and I felt the foul stench of failure creeping towards me. So I decided that today I would run. And I did. 2.3 miles to be exact, which is 2.3 miles more than I would have liked to do. It was hard work as I've put on a few pounds of late and my lungs didn't know what was going on, but I succeeded in doing 7 lots of run2/walk1. Perhaps more importantly though, I have beaten my record for running in April! :-)
As well as very slowly plodding through Ulysses (I had planned to read it during my lunch hour at work yesterday but I was so irate from a ruckus with a co-worker that I couldn't concentrate), I happened upon the best woodworking book I have ever seen. I have read woodworking books in the past but they tend to concentrate very much on the skills and ignore the whole point, which is actually making usable things. The brilliance of this one is that it tells you which tools to buy first in order to make some simple projects. The only downside is that it assumes a little bit of knowledge, which I lack, but it's more than made up for by the detailed information and projects. It has made me realise that I definitely need to find a course in September as I would just bugger it all up on my own, and I can't really afford to buy tools until I know I'm going to enjoy it. I'm hoping to take the book out of the library again though once I've got the basics to try my hand at the beginner projects. There's a bird box, and a toy truck (I've always wanted to make wooden toys) and a shoe rack, and lots more. It's probably very odd for a 25 year old female to get excited by chisels but I could spend hours looking through the Screwfix catalogue.
And speaking of excitement, I read today that the details for the MP3 challenge are all collected and ready to be formed into a wonderful route! So hopefully soon I will find out when and where I'll be going and who I will be meeting. I also had a think this morning about what song I want to put onto the player. Part of me is terrified that I will accidentally wipe the memory, but that's probably unlikely. I've decided that it has to be an Elliott Smith song, as he is my all-time favourite musical artist, but choosing one will be tricky.
I'm off to look at tools...
Cheerio! Amy. xxx
My first piece of ridiculously exciting news is that my boyfriend and I are now car owners.
The initial plan, to spend very little on a car that would tide us over for a year, soon went out of the window when we saw this cute little thing with only one previous owner. It's a Daihatsu Cuore and has a tiny 1 litre engine. The downside is that it struggles on hills, the upside is that it only costs £90 a year to tax.
I have always thought it bizarre that people name their cars, but spending £1600 (plus almost a grand on insurance) does funny things to you, and I'm having feelings of love and protection towards this collection of inanimate objects. With these feelings came a desire to give our little one a name. And Heracles seemed perfect. When Heracles (the god, not the car) was just a small baby, he strangled some snakes that had been used to kill him, and hopefully our small baby will show the same strength and fortitude.
Saturday is the day when we go to pick it up (I'm not crazy enough to call it a 'him' yet). We're both still feeling very anxious that we'll be in a massive collision on the way home (about 5 minutes away), but at least that would justify the ridiculously huge amount of money we spent on insuring it.
I had been hoping that you pay car insurance by direct debit, as I've always thought having direct debits (other than optional charity ones) was a sure sign that you are an adult, but it turns out it costs a lot more to pay monthly so the whole amount was gulped down by the insurance company in one.
Moving on to another of my goals, to become a runner, things had gone awry. I hurt my foot a few weeks ago and could barely walk for a week, and then my motivation seeped away and sitting eating vast amounts of saturated fat seemed like more fun than running. This morning, however, I was listening to the radio and heard them say that it was already well into April, and panic set in! In a previous blog I stated that despite doing a grand total of 1 mile in 3 years during the month of April, it didn't mean that the same would happen this year. Only it kind of was happening, and I felt the foul stench of failure creeping towards me. So I decided that today I would run. And I did. 2.3 miles to be exact, which is 2.3 miles more than I would have liked to do. It was hard work as I've put on a few pounds of late and my lungs didn't know what was going on, but I succeeded in doing 7 lots of run2/walk1. Perhaps more importantly though, I have beaten my record for running in April! :-)
As well as very slowly plodding through Ulysses (I had planned to read it during my lunch hour at work yesterday but I was so irate from a ruckus with a co-worker that I couldn't concentrate), I happened upon the best woodworking book I have ever seen. I have read woodworking books in the past but they tend to concentrate very much on the skills and ignore the whole point, which is actually making usable things. The brilliance of this one is that it tells you which tools to buy first in order to make some simple projects. The only downside is that it assumes a little bit of knowledge, which I lack, but it's more than made up for by the detailed information and projects. It has made me realise that I definitely need to find a course in September as I would just bugger it all up on my own, and I can't really afford to buy tools until I know I'm going to enjoy it. I'm hoping to take the book out of the library again though once I've got the basics to try my hand at the beginner projects. There's a bird box, and a toy truck (I've always wanted to make wooden toys) and a shoe rack, and lots more. It's probably very odd for a 25 year old female to get excited by chisels but I could spend hours looking through the Screwfix catalogue.
And speaking of excitement, I read today that the details for the MP3 challenge are all collected and ready to be formed into a wonderful route! So hopefully soon I will find out when and where I'll be going and who I will be meeting. I also had a think this morning about what song I want to put onto the player. Part of me is terrified that I will accidentally wipe the memory, but that's probably unlikely. I've decided that it has to be an Elliott Smith song, as he is my all-time favourite musical artist, but choosing one will be tricky.
I'm off to look at tools...
Cheerio! Amy. xxx
Saturday, 3 April 2010
Polish, weddings and being an adult
I've had an exciting week. I wasn't expecting to be able to do anything on the "Become a responsible adult" part of my TYSIC for some time, but some brilliant news on Monday has set the ball rolling.
So, Monday morning my boyfriend received a lovely thick letter from Manchester University informing him that he has been accepted on a Clinical Psychology course. We were 95% sure that he wouldn't get onto it as competition was fierce and we were preparing for the worst, so I was over the moon. How does this change things? Well, we have been living with my boyfriend's parents for years now, saving up our paltry wages so that we would one day be able to move out into a place of our own. The course is 3 years long and pays a salary so we can definitely move out in October when it starts.
Before the excitement and stress of house hunting though, we have begun the process of buying a car. My boyfriend has had his license for 3 years but we couldn't afford to run a car. We know literally nothing about them. Fortunately, we have the Internet, and I have spent hours on car websites and insurance websites, and now feel like I have a vague idea of what to look for. Last night we took our first tentative steps and phoned about 7 people who were selling cars on autotrader. Sadly, all were taken, but we feel very grown up all the same. :-) The plan is to keep looking and check the local newspaper. We won't be using it much for the first 6 months but I can't wait to be able to go for daytrips.
In another small grown up step, I sorted out the bank accounts this morning so we now have a joint current and savings account and our own personal ones. Everything is ready!
As for "Do things that scare me", I attended my sister's wedding on Thursday. It was in a beautiful grand room in Manchester Town Hall and I knew very few people there. I had chickened out of being a bridesmaid as I hate being looked at but I still felt nervous for my sister and my Mum as they came down the aisle. I hadn't seen her in the dress so when she walked out I was really taken aback. She looked beautiful. One of the toddlers at the wedding thought she was a princess. :-) The ceremony was also beautiful. Then came some freezing cold outside pictures, where thankfully the rain stayed away. I'm terrible at smiling for pictures so god knows how I'm going to look. The first test of anxiety was waiting for the room to be ready in the bar below. All the local businessmen had finished early for Easter and it was packed. Really, really packed. And very loud. But we lasted until the room opened and breathed a sigh of relief as we walked in to the empty room, filled with candles and balloons and pink bags full of sweets. The speeches were really good and I almost cried when my sister's boyfriend told her how much he loved her. Then came a delicious buffet and some minor celebrities. My sister has worked for ITV and BBC so she's picked up some celebrity friends along the way. :-) The bit I was dreading though was the dancing. My sister loves dancing, and throughout our lives has dragged me onto dancefloors. On the plus side, the DJ was my little brother, on the down side, there were lots of good dancers. I am a 'bad dancer'. At home, dancing consists mainly of jumping up and down, but this isn't generally accepted in polite society. But then my boyfriend and my Mum got up for a dance and they were not good dancers, so it didn't seem so bad. I was ridiculously self-conscious and I'm not sure that I actually enjoyed it, but my sister was happy and my brother was happy, and I wasn't unhappy. Besides, the alternative was to sit looking grumpy all night.
On the "Strive to Learn" front, I have been learning some Polish words this week from a book that we were going to throw out at the library (we're not allowed to sell children's books for complicated reasons). I think I will see how many I can remember. I'll write them phonetically as my keyboard doesn't have all the characters and I probably can't spell most of them anyway:
Kot - cat
Konn - horse
Pyess - dog
Ovtsa - sheep
Koora - hen
Katchka - duck
Krova - cow
Tata - dad
Mama - mum
Nyemovley - baby
Jefchinna - girl
Hwopyets - boy
Stoo - table
Veedelets - fork
Noozh - knife
Oowiszhka - spoon
Yaika - eggs
Yabooko - apple
Hleb - bread
Pomarancha - orange
Koleyka - train
Tsegwy - blocks
Skarpetki - socks
Booty - shoes
Spodniey - trousers
pantofle - slippers
Plooshovy meesh - teddy bear
Samahood - car
dom - house
park - park
koonia - kitchen
salon - lounge
Babcha - grandmother
jadek - grandfather
banan - banana
Charny - black
I think that's all the ones I can remember. Not too bad. I'd like to know a little about sentence structure but I guess I'll need a grown-up book for that. :-) I'll stick to my words for now.
And that just leaves "Become a runner". No progress at all this week. I hurt my left foot and could barely walk. Then that seemed to disappear, but my legs are still hurting from the wedding (I had stupid shoes that kept falling off). And I've been stuffing my face. Still, 3 out of 4. :-)
So, Monday morning my boyfriend received a lovely thick letter from Manchester University informing him that he has been accepted on a Clinical Psychology course. We were 95% sure that he wouldn't get onto it as competition was fierce and we were preparing for the worst, so I was over the moon. How does this change things? Well, we have been living with my boyfriend's parents for years now, saving up our paltry wages so that we would one day be able to move out into a place of our own. The course is 3 years long and pays a salary so we can definitely move out in October when it starts.
Before the excitement and stress of house hunting though, we have begun the process of buying a car. My boyfriend has had his license for 3 years but we couldn't afford to run a car. We know literally nothing about them. Fortunately, we have the Internet, and I have spent hours on car websites and insurance websites, and now feel like I have a vague idea of what to look for. Last night we took our first tentative steps and phoned about 7 people who were selling cars on autotrader. Sadly, all were taken, but we feel very grown up all the same. :-) The plan is to keep looking and check the local newspaper. We won't be using it much for the first 6 months but I can't wait to be able to go for daytrips.
In another small grown up step, I sorted out the bank accounts this morning so we now have a joint current and savings account and our own personal ones. Everything is ready!
As for "Do things that scare me", I attended my sister's wedding on Thursday. It was in a beautiful grand room in Manchester Town Hall and I knew very few people there. I had chickened out of being a bridesmaid as I hate being looked at but I still felt nervous for my sister and my Mum as they came down the aisle. I hadn't seen her in the dress so when she walked out I was really taken aback. She looked beautiful. One of the toddlers at the wedding thought she was a princess. :-) The ceremony was also beautiful. Then came some freezing cold outside pictures, where thankfully the rain stayed away. I'm terrible at smiling for pictures so god knows how I'm going to look. The first test of anxiety was waiting for the room to be ready in the bar below. All the local businessmen had finished early for Easter and it was packed. Really, really packed. And very loud. But we lasted until the room opened and breathed a sigh of relief as we walked in to the empty room, filled with candles and balloons and pink bags full of sweets. The speeches were really good and I almost cried when my sister's boyfriend told her how much he loved her. Then came a delicious buffet and some minor celebrities. My sister has worked for ITV and BBC so she's picked up some celebrity friends along the way. :-) The bit I was dreading though was the dancing. My sister loves dancing, and throughout our lives has dragged me onto dancefloors. On the plus side, the DJ was my little brother, on the down side, there were lots of good dancers. I am a 'bad dancer'. At home, dancing consists mainly of jumping up and down, but this isn't generally accepted in polite society. But then my boyfriend and my Mum got up for a dance and they were not good dancers, so it didn't seem so bad. I was ridiculously self-conscious and I'm not sure that I actually enjoyed it, but my sister was happy and my brother was happy, and I wasn't unhappy. Besides, the alternative was to sit looking grumpy all night.
On the "Strive to Learn" front, I have been learning some Polish words this week from a book that we were going to throw out at the library (we're not allowed to sell children's books for complicated reasons). I think I will see how many I can remember. I'll write them phonetically as my keyboard doesn't have all the characters and I probably can't spell most of them anyway:
Kot - cat
Konn - horse
Pyess - dog
Ovtsa - sheep
Koora - hen
Katchka - duck
Krova - cow
Tata - dad
Mama - mum
Nyemovley - baby
Jefchinna - girl
Hwopyets - boy
Stoo - table
Veedelets - fork
Noozh - knife
Oowiszhka - spoon
Yaika - eggs
Yabooko - apple
Hleb - bread
Pomarancha - orange
Koleyka - train
Tsegwy - blocks
Skarpetki - socks
Booty - shoes
Spodniey - trousers
pantofle - slippers
Plooshovy meesh - teddy bear
Samahood - car
dom - house
park - park
koonia - kitchen
salon - lounge
Babcha - grandmother
jadek - grandfather
banan - banana
Charny - black
I think that's all the ones I can remember. Not too bad. I'd like to know a little about sentence structure but I guess I'll need a grown-up book for that. :-) I'll stick to my words for now.
And that just leaves "Become a runner". No progress at all this week. I hurt my left foot and could barely walk. Then that seemed to disappear, but my legs are still hurting from the wedding (I had stupid shoes that kept falling off). And I've been stuffing my face. Still, 3 out of 4. :-)
Thursday, 25 March 2010
Chartsengrafs
Hello there,
Time seems to be flying by this week and I don't seem to have done a great deal.
So today I've decided to think and blog about my goal to "Become a runner".
I use an excellent website called Fetcheveryone, where you can enter every run you do and say how well it went, how tired you were, what shoes you were wearing etc. This is perfect for me as I have a love of graphs and tables. I used to get my graph fix from monitoring my peak flow and Fev-1 score (to determine how my lungs were doing), but then my gadget broke and it didn't seem as fun on an old-fashioned meter. As soon as I started running I was on Microsoft Excel, writing things like, "Distance - 0.91miles, Time - 14 minutes 33" :-)
So, today I had a look at this beautiful graph (above) that very cleverly and usefully charts how much running you have done since the beginning of time. It all began in 2007 with gay abandon (the big red lines) before getting ill over christmas. Then another spurt before a miserable year of pneumonia and aspergillus and pseudomonas. 2009 was plagued with problems at work and an operation on my sinuses, and the result of all these setbacks is a very uneven graph. But I'm rather proud to note that the light blue lines are looking good. I have had my most successful January, February and March, in terms of distance run. But take a look at April. And May. And I guess June is also looking pretty sorry for itself. I'm a logical person but there's a niggling fear that there's a catastrophe just around the corner, readying itself to leap into my life and destroy my lofty ambitions. I know it's ridiculous. 2007 I hadn't started running yet, 2008 I was incredibly ill, and 2009 I had blood coming out of my nose. There is no reason why next month will be bad. No reason at all.
So, today I had a little think about where to go from here to make sure I don't bugger things up. Now Sport Relief is over and the pressure is off, I'm going to have another go at the 8 week 5k plan. I tried it in 2008 but it was just too depressing to have to keep going back to week 1 every time I got ill. As of next month, I will have been infection-free for a whole year, and this seems a perfect time to try again.
The Schedule
- Week 1 Run one min, walk 90 seconds. Repeat eight times. Do three times a week.
- Week 2 Run two mins, walk one min. Repeat seven times. Do three times a week.
- Week 3 Run three mins walk one mins. Repeat six times. Do three times a week.
- Week 4 Run five mins, walk two mins. Repeat four times. Do three times a week.
- Week 5 Run eight mins, walk two mins. Repeat three times. Do three times a week.
- Week 6 Run 12 mins, walk one min. Repeat three times. Do three times a week.
- Week 7 Run 15 mins, walk one min, Run fifteen mins. Do three times a week
- Week 8 Run 30 mins continuously
Today I attempted Run 2/walk 1. I started with 5 minutes of walking to warm up and then I did R2/W1 until I reached the 32 minute mark, when I ran the rest of the way to the 3 mile marker. That's 9 2-min runs and about 4 mins running at the end, with a "sprint" finish. I know that's more than they recommend, but I'm a very slow runner and there's no way I will ever cover 5k in 30 minutes. It was my fastest ever 3 mile at 36 mins 32 secs. And my body doesn't feel like it's going to crumble, which is a good sign after months of pain in my joints.
So a good start I think and hopefully I can repeat this a few more times before moving on to run3/walk1.
In other TYSIC news, I booked tickets to see Quasi this week. I can count the number of gigs I have been to on one hand, as I am a massive ball of anxiety about them. It's mostly the travelling to and from that worries me, but also the density of people that will no doubt have contact with me. Luckily for me, I have the best boyfriend in the world, and on the rare occasions that I simply have to go to a gig, he comes along regardless of how much he hates the band/singer. I've been a massive Quasi fan since I was about 15 and I simply had to go.
So that's 2 gigs in May booked. I also signed up for the MP3 challenge, which (if I'm correct in how this will work) will mean meeting two complete strangers and travelling. There is no way in a million years that I would have ever considered this a month ago.
And on the Ulysses front, I have read the first 3 chapters, but need to re-read chapter 3 about 8 times before I'll be able to write about it on the Ulysses blog.
That was a long post.
Cheerio! Amy. xxx
Sunday, 21 March 2010
Everything beautiful is far away: Ulysses
This blog is made especially for my reading of Ulysses so I can keep returning to it to ask questions and ponder.
I have so far read the first two chapters, and was beginning to think, "What was all the fuss about?". But then I reached chapter three and remembered why I found it hard to read last time. :-)
Essentially, my problem is that I'm not well-read enough to understand 95% of the allusions. I know who Iago is and I have a vague understanding of the potato famine (from a TV drama with the McGann brothers that I saw when I was about 7), but otherwise, I'm lost.
Thankfully, my edition of Ulysses (the library's edition to be exact) has explanatory notes, and after a few confused minutes, I now understand how to use them. They include the greek myths (or is it Roman?) that go with the chapter titles, and more usefully, have an explanation for almost every obscure reference. By obscure, I mean obscure to me. I'm sure Stephen Fry wouldn't have a problem. I'm also reading with a dictionary next to me.
So, let's sum up the first two chapters, as I understand them.
Chapter One
We meet Buck Mulligan and Stephen Dedalus, who are living together in Martello Tower. Buck is quite loud and domineering, whereas Stephen seems quiter. Stephen has recently lost his mother, and feels a certain amount of guilt for not praying by her side as she was dying. This isn't helped by Buck. Haines is also staying. He is an Englishman who can speak Irish, which very few Irish people can do. He makes lots of noise at night, which displeases Stephen. They eat breakfast and a lady comes with some milk. Then Buck and Haines go for a swim and Stephen goes to work.
Chapter Two
Stephen is teaching a class of boys about the Pyrrhic victory. I was interested to discover that a "Pyrrhic Victory" is one where the winning side loses so much in the process that it may as well be a defeat. The boys go out to play sport and Stephen goes to get his pay packet from Mr Deasy. It turns out Stephen owes a lot of money. Mr Deasy asks him to try to get a letter published in a newspaper as Stephen knows some editors. Mr Deasy isn't a very pleasant character and wrongly makes statements about Ireland and Jews.
I'm sure I've missed out some central theme that's glaringly obvious. This is in no way a critique of the novel, I'm just hoping that by writing down what I remember, I will understand the book better. I've read the first few lines of chapter three and it's a tricky one because it's a stream of consciousness but hopefully my trusty notes will help.
I have so far read the first two chapters, and was beginning to think, "What was all the fuss about?". But then I reached chapter three and remembered why I found it hard to read last time. :-)
Essentially, my problem is that I'm not well-read enough to understand 95% of the allusions. I know who Iago is and I have a vague understanding of the potato famine (from a TV drama with the McGann brothers that I saw when I was about 7), but otherwise, I'm lost.
Thankfully, my edition of Ulysses (the library's edition to be exact) has explanatory notes, and after a few confused minutes, I now understand how to use them. They include the greek myths (or is it Roman?) that go with the chapter titles, and more usefully, have an explanation for almost every obscure reference. By obscure, I mean obscure to me. I'm sure Stephen Fry wouldn't have a problem. I'm also reading with a dictionary next to me.
So, let's sum up the first two chapters, as I understand them.
Chapter One
We meet Buck Mulligan and Stephen Dedalus, who are living together in Martello Tower. Buck is quite loud and domineering, whereas Stephen seems quiter. Stephen has recently lost his mother, and feels a certain amount of guilt for not praying by her side as she was dying. This isn't helped by Buck. Haines is also staying. He is an Englishman who can speak Irish, which very few Irish people can do. He makes lots of noise at night, which displeases Stephen. They eat breakfast and a lady comes with some milk. Then Buck and Haines go for a swim and Stephen goes to work.
Chapter Two
Stephen is teaching a class of boys about the Pyrrhic victory. I was interested to discover that a "Pyrrhic Victory" is one where the winning side loses so much in the process that it may as well be a defeat. The boys go out to play sport and Stephen goes to get his pay packet from Mr Deasy. It turns out Stephen owes a lot of money. Mr Deasy asks him to try to get a letter published in a newspaper as Stephen knows some editors. Mr Deasy isn't a very pleasant character and wrongly makes statements about Ireland and Jews.
I'm sure I've missed out some central theme that's glaringly obvious. This is in no way a critique of the novel, I'm just hoping that by writing down what I remember, I will understand the book better. I've read the first few lines of chapter three and it's a tricky one because it's a stream of consciousness but hopefully my trusty notes will help.
Huzzah!
Today was an excellent day TYSIC-wise and life-wise.
I made progress in two of my categories.
First up was the Sport Relief 3 miles. The weather was perfect. Blue skies, sunshine and a light breeze. I started to feel incredibly nervous when we got there and saw the route, which looked about 10 miles long. But then 4 of my friends turned up to support me, bearing sponsorship and lots of positive words!
As 1pm approached we (me, my Mum, my sister and my boyfriend) made our way to the start line and tried not to be sick with fear. My Mum and I had decided to run together so we started steady as dozens of people whizzed past. Halfway round the track some people were already stopping to walk but we carried on. We soon latched on to a man with two kids, who seemed to be running at our pace. The original plan was to run a minute, walk a minute, but we felt okay so did loads of running. After the first mile I was feeling tired in my legs but okay. After the second my lungs decided to give me trouble but we kept going. Our tiny pacemakers gave up at 2 miles and left their dad to continue alone! Fortunately, a 7 year old boy appeared and we couldn't let him beat us! We struggled on, doing much more walking on this lap and my lungs were screaming by now. The stewards were great, shouting encouragement, and as we approached the stadium I started my sprint finish, and a small child stopped right in front of me! After dodging her, and tweaking a muscle in the process, I managed my sprint to the end. I received a shiny medal, a bottle of water and a goody bag.
My target was to finish in 40 minutes and I did it in 37 minutes 50 seconds! My boyfriend almost lapped me, at 10 minutes faster, but it was nice seeing him leaving for his last lap as we were just approaching. :-)
I'm pretty chuffed, if a little sore, and even more determined now to enter a 5k parkrun. Ideally, I want to be able to run the whole 5k (regardless of speed) before I enter, but there are two vertical hills so a few walks would be okay.
My only concern is that my lungs still hurt! 8 hours later! I guess the poor things aren't used to running outside.
So, to the next bit of progress...
In my goody bag was a single prune. I've never eaten a prune for obvious reasons. They look horrible. I'm not sure I've ever really eaten a plum (I may have nibbled one) so I had no idea how it would taste. But my boyfriend encouraged me to eat it and I did! Tentatively to begin with, but then I ate the last quarter in one. It tasted okay, but the leathery skin was a bit odd. Apparently 3 prunes is one portion of fruit, so maybe in the future I will attempt to eat more.
To top it all off, it's my boyfriend's birthday so I got to eat cake and chocolates for dinner. :-) I guess I'm still working on the runner's diet.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
